I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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