can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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