also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
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Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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