It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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