So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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