I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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