ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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