i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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