Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i now understand why vodka
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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