My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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