Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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