True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Randomize
