I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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