These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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