Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
