Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
