We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
