If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
