thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
