I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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