So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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