You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
