I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
