Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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