Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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