Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
