Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
