Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
