Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
