It's Friday. Sex?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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