They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
