Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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