I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
