I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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