uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
