Jerry, you need to find god
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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