I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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