Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
