Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
