My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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