This is not my ceiling
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
