i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
