im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
