Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
