i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
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I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
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I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize