I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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