please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize