Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
