I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
