Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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