for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
