I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
