we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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