glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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