I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka?
Forever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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