i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
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There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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