brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
