You can't motorboat a personality
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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