i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
