Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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