ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
