What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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