in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
