Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize